I replied to a dick pic with an even bigger dick pic and the dude blocked me.
APPARENTLY some people don’t appreciate pictures of dicks. WHAT A CRAZY CONCEPT?!?
I am doing this from now on. Fellas you have been warned.
I am so used to be judged everywhere that I myself have become exactly what I dislike about others. It’s a hard pill to swallow and my self-awareness is not to create a one-woman pity party but hey, it must be done. Every year or so it’s nice to cleanse yourself in the hopes that- hey- maybe this year I’ll get my shit together. And by ‘get my shit together’ I don’t mean a big girl job, a degree and all my life figured out, but to figure my fucking self out. I am just not real with myself at all these days. It’s exhausting subconsciously catering to what others think. It leaves us so empty and unfulfilled. I instead fill the void my self-loathing creates with distaste for others. But what is anger, jealousy—distaste, really from me? Self-projection. I find my weaknesses in others, and then despise them for it. I find myself at least twice a day saying or thinking the phrase “I fucking hate it when……” When let’s get real, the sun moon and stars do not rise and fall for me. My standard of thinking and living does not, in any way, shape or form create a mold that others must live by. I’ve always known this, yet for some reason I am angered by things that literally do not affect me in any way. It’s almost as if I strive to be unhappy with my surroundings. Is that hard to admit? yeah, I guess. I’d like to think that I’m not that god damn negative but I guess if the shoe fits… I wear it. In reality, the best version of myself is the person people come to to vent to, free of my potential and in no way beneficial, negative reaffirmation or opinion on any matters. My best self wakes up in the morning and makes the most of it -maybe even wishes everyone else a wonderful day. Is grateful for life at every corner and I is not completely destroyed by the world not going my way. My best self replaces expectation with acceptance and sees everyone as a story- the way I see myself as more than just a scummy tattooed girl. My best self spoils myself and makes time for things I have put of. My best self says namaste regularly and hopes that when people come to me I can provide them with light and happiness. My best self doesn’t given in to those around me and judge every one. My best self is my best friend and my best support system. My current self loves talking about my best self in third person because we’re selfish but that’s not too bad. Anyways, right now, I can say that I still hold onto habits I had when I was younger, not all (I’ve grown out of most), but some. The ones that cause uncontrollable rage, hypersensitivity and an all around propensity to make the negative happen. Long story short, I really need to keep myself in check and try to be my best self, or even get to a better self. I guess being aware is the first step. I’m hoping letting go is the next because I carry these things around me like weights…. and I’m sinking to the bottom, staring up at the fading light that is my own redemption. I crave change but stay put. I can only hope that I stand up and get out of my own way cause my best self sounds pretty rad and I, and everyone who will interact with me now and in the future, deserves it too.