Some mornings I wake up and remember bringing you coffee. Other mornings I wake up remembering that the first words we spoke to each other weren’t kind.
Some days I remember driving around, going on adventures, and eating komodo. Other days I remember your car pulled over to the side of the road and me getting out of it.
Some nights I remember pulling into the lot, looking in our apartment window, hoping to get a glance of you walking around, even though I was going to be in there momentarily. Some nights I remember falling asleep alone in a bed next to you.
If you’re reading this, I still think about you. Sometimes with a longing for more and other times with the sad understanding that our paths no longer proceed in the same direction.
But I always think of you with the hope that in the future they meet again. With coffee in hand, memories in mind, and the peace we never were able to find together.
Three years later, a new girl sits cross-legged on your bed.
She tastes like a different flavor of bubblegum than you are used to.
She opens up a book that you had to read in high school, and a folded picture of us falls out of chapter three.
Now there are two unfinished stories resting in her lap.
Inevitably, she asks, and you tell her.
You say: I dated her a while back.
You don’t say: Sometimes, when I’m holding you, I imagine the smell of her vanilla perfume.
You say: She was younger than me.
You don’t say: The sixteen summers in her bones warmed the eighteen winters my skin had weathered.
You say: It’s nothing now.
You don’t say: But it was everything then.
periods help you learn how to get blood off of things which is probably why you hear more stories of men caught with murder
I’m stuck between wanting:
1. A long lasting relationship with my soulmate who supports me and protects me and is my partner and we are completely bad ass together and in love
2. Wanting to have casual sex and rip out the heart of everyone person I meet
3. Being independent and having a loyal dog while I’m married to my career
My life everyday